The Wicked Wizard with the Mouth
by BlackSheep the Sage
Summary: just a crazy idea I had about Harry Potter being raised by Deadpool and Harly Quinn. Read and Enjoy. DeadpoolxHarley Quinn Harryx?
1. Prolog:The mother and The father

_**Disclaimer Blanket: O do not own Harley Quinn,Deadpool or Harry Potter. they are owned by Warner Bros, Marvel and DC. please support the offical release.**_

 _ **Guide:**_

Normal Voice: Chimichunga

Crazy Voice: **Maximum Effort.**

Smart Voice: _Oh joy I got a brain!_

Ch.1Magics orders

Wade Willson, known to man as Deadpool or the Merc with the Mouth, was sitting in his shity apartment, in his shity kitchen waiting for his shity microwave to make his glorious meal. His Chimichunga. The timer had just one second left when it stopped.

"Okay, what the hell?" Deadpool asked while looking at the mirowave and pressing random buttons trying to fix it.

 **"Magic maybe?"** the crazy voice in his head said in a innocent voice.

 _"Don't be rediculuse we had the place warded by Strange last week."_ The deep tones of his Logic voice answered.

 **"No we stole his book of spells and did it our selves."** The crazy voice replied.

"How'd we learn to do magic anyways?" Deadpool asked slapping the appliance in front of him and shaking it all about still trying to fix it.

 **"Fuck if I know DP but you might wanna stop shacking our microwave like that."** Crazy voice said.

"Why?" just as the question left his mouth a large purple vortex opened under his feet, standing on dead air for a few minutes Deadpool looked down before looking to the reader, "Oh shit this can't be good." he said before falling through screaming.

 _Meanwhile in Arkham_

Harleen Quinzeel also known the the residents of Arkhan Assylum and the good people of Gothem as Harley Quinn was sitting on the floor of her cell at the afore typed nut house for the afore typed cities most deranged and lethal crimminals, her lover the Jocker had passed away a few months ago during another incounter with the Batman when her puddin had used too much of the new version of Bane's muscle juice called Venom and it poisoned him until he died while fighting his best friend and worst enamy as Mr.J often refered to Gothems Caped Crusader. But she didn't bare the bat any ill will, no, she had long since morned her deranged lover and while the ache, the emptiness was still there she felt she was ready to move on. To start over without Jocker. Maybe do a few jobs with Ivy to get her feet wet before taking over Mr.J's hench men and striking out on her own to continue his work of putting a smile on Gothems citizens faces.

"Well since my minds made up and I read all my books." Harley said as she rolled backwards into a hand stand when in mid roll she saw the purple vortex beneath her with a yelp and a pop she fell through the worm hole before it swallowed onto itself and vanished just as the guard passed and saw the villiness gone and ran off to sount the alarm.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch.1

 _ **I own nothing.**_

In a world where everything is blue. Like everything is a different shade of blue. The grass is blue, the trees are blue everything is fucking BLUE! In this blue place two purple portals opened and poured out a man in a red and black outfit and mask before pouring something on top of him knocking the wind out of him.

"OW MOTHER FUCKER," Deadpool sat up holding his head, "what the hellllllllooooo nurse!" he cut off his cursing rant about how much his head hurt when he saw a blonde girl with a jester outfit, pig tails and red streaks in one and blue streaks in the other, D cup size breast at least and if his eyes were telling the truth this hottie had legs for days.

"Owie why is it that after you fall through a swirly vortexy thingie your head hurts?" the clown girl whined.

"Sorry been so long that someone was summoned here that I must of put the matress I set there in storage." a mans voice said.

"I told you to bring it up from the basement dear." a females voice said.

"The fuck are you?" Deadpool asked.

"The fuck are we?" Harley asked

 _"Why the fuck is everything blue?"_ Deadpool's logic voice asked

 **"Do you think her breast D's or DD's?"** his insane voice wondered bringing Harley's glorious chest to.

"To answer your questions in order, we are Merlin and Morgana, you are Wade Wilson and Harleen Quinzeel better known as Deadpool and Harley Quinn, this place is made of pure magical energy is why everything appears to be blue and her breast are DD," the man said before being slapped on the back of the head by the woman," OW!"

"Don't be looking at another woman's chest around your wife and that won't happen mister. Morgana said.

"Sorry." Merlin said rubbing the back of his head.

"There's only one reason I ever get summoned via portal," Deadpool said raising to his feet, "Who do you two want dead? Is it her? Please say it isn't her, I'll murder you if its her."

"Am I hear to kill him?" Harley asked pulling her trusty hammer out hammer space Pun Alert!, "please say yes, I can live with killing him, the only crime would be ridding the world of that great ass."

"Sorry Harley," Morgana said, "but Mr. Wilson here can't die."

"Never stopped most from trying though" Deadpool's logic voice said.

"You two shall work together to raise a child who is in danger of being killed before he can forfill his destiny." Merlin said.

"You want me to knock her up?" Deadpool asked

 **"SCORE!"** His insane voice cheered.

 _"Indeed."_ His logic voiced said

"Not quite Wade?" Morgana said drawing cries of 'boo' and 'tease' from said masked merc's crazed voice, "your charge shall be this boy," she said conjouring a window before them showing a raven haired boy of four being beaten mercilessly by an obese man with a mustach, " This is Harry Potter, you shall retrive him from his aunt and uncle to train and raise him to eliminate a threat to all worlds, Thomas M. Riddle."

"AKA Lord Voldemort." Merlin said.

on the two summoned people's side they were having the same reaction of rage at what they were seeing for different reasons. For Deadpool, he had a soft spot for kids making use of his regenerative power to often donate organs or bone marrow to kids in the Childrens ward. While for Harley, all villans and an unspoken code, with the exeption to sidekicks, children were off limits, and no one, not even Joker when he was alive broke that code.

"Can I kill him?" the two spoke at the same time before looking at eachother ready to argue over whom got the murder the fat man./

"Sort that between yourselves," Morgana said, "As long as Harry leaves Privet Dr."

"O'Bearded one and Magic Knockers," Deadpool said causing the two aspects of magic to glare at him for their nicknames.

"We're in." Harley said hefting her hammer onto her shoulder as her knew partner began checking the gadgets on his belt and cracking his neck in preperation.

"Then go and good luck." Merlin said summoning another portal beneath them.

"And beware Albus Dumbledor." Morgana said as the two fell through the portal.

"MAXIMUM EFFORT!" Deadpool cried as he fell through the portal.

 _ **And Ch.2 is done stay tuned for Ch.3 asap. TALLYHO!**_


	3. Chapter 3

CH 3: Baby We're back

I still own absolutly nothing

Normal Voice: Chimichunga

Crazy Voice: Maximum Effort.

Smart Voice: Oh joy I got a brain!

Harry was jerked awake by being grabbed and rather non too gently from his cuboard under the stairs within Number 4 Privet Dr. It was is Uncle Vernon Dursley whom had awoken him from his cramped slumber, reaking of strongly of scotch.

"It's your fault freak," the obese man slurred his words as he staggared over to the fire place and grabbing the metal rod by the fire place, one of his favorite tools for when he came home drunk, whitch only happened after a sale he had that day didn't go through, his uncle whould then proceed to the pub to drink his failures away before coming home to take out his anger on poor four year old boy he had took in after his wifes sister and husband had went and gotten them selves murdered, "The biggest deal in my career, LOST because of your freakisness!"

Vernon then proceeded to bring the rod down across Harry's back causing the boy to cry out and try to crawl away. He knew trying to escape would only make it worse, but his body just acted on its own. Several more times he felt the metal rod strike him, each blow stronger then the last, before the next blow landed there was a knock at the front door.

"Who the bloody hell could that be," Vernon hiccuped tossing the blunt instoment as hard as he could at Harry as the youth whimpered when it hit him in the head, "Don't they have work to go to in the morning like normal folks, should be in bed the lot of them who ever they are."

Grumbling the rest of the way Vernon opened the door to a man dressed in black and red, full faced mask with to swords on his back with a hand gun in one hand while he used the other to prop himself against the door frame.

"Ello Tubo." he said before aiming the gun at Vernon's face and squeezing the trigger.

The last sight the Vernon Johnothan Dursley saw was the barrol of that gun with the words Smile and wait for the flash engraved into the metal before a bright flash and a bang.

"Aww," a voice behind him said as a woman with bleach white skin, blonde hair done up in pigtails with blue and red streaks wearing a red vest, red pants and black trainers, "I wanted to kill him Deadpool."

"Sorry Harley," the now named Deadpool said spinning the gun around his hand before holstering it, "first come first serve and I won teh race to the door."

"Only cause you teleported," Harley said stepping past her partner into the abnormally clean house, "How did you do that any way, that one of your mutant powers?"

"Nope beutiful not even close," Deadpool said skipping into the house after the sexy she clown, "my belt has a built in teleporter do hicky in it, stole it off of the guy who tortured me to activate my healing factor though."

"Ah good old Francis." his crazy voice piped up.

"Bless him and all the fun toys we got from him." The logical side of his brain said.

"May he rot in hell where he belongs." Deadpool intoned.

"Who?" Harley asked.

"Oh the son of a hamster who did this to me," Deadpool said grabbing the bottom of his mask and lifting it up, "BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!"

Harley could only discride Wade's face as horrorfying, like a if Freddy Kruger had angry sex with an avocado and his face had been the baby born from the event.

"Go ahead and scream you know you want to." Deadpool said lowering his mask back down.

"Eh seen worst," Harley said walking over to where Harry laid curled upto protect himnself from any more harm, "Killacroc's mug was way worst then yours, at least you look human still he looks like a living suitcase."

Coolio." Deadpool cheered giving his partner a thumbs up before a loud bang echoed around the house and he collapsed revealing a skinny horse. faced woman branishing a frying pan.

This woman was the one and only.

"Thank goodness." Deadpool's insane voiced up

"Quite you the author is talking not us" his logic voice said

Thank you, as the author was typing this was the one and only Petunia Marie Dursley, wife of Vernon Dursley, mother of Dudley Vernon Dursley and sister to the late great Lillian Martha Potter.

"Oh goody I get to kill some one now!" Harley cheered as she cartwheeled over to Petunia with her trusty hammer in hand.

Springing to her feet Harley swung her weapon upward at Mrs. Dursley and with a sickingly sweet crunching noise the horse faced woman died of a broken neck.

"Ow what the hell hit me?" Deadpool asked.

"She did." Harley answered.

"Bad Deadpool."Deadpool scolded himself beforedrew both his guns and unloading them in them into the dead body, "Good Deadpool."

"Alright you killed the fat one, I killed the horse faced one," Harley lised off on her fingers, "Why do I feel we're forgeting something?"

"I don't know." Deadpool said.

"Did we check the fridge for eats?" Deadpools crazy voice asked.

"No it wasn't that," his logic voice said, "We forgot lardo and marebags obese whale thay called Diddykins."

"I thought his name was Dudley." Deadpool said.

"No time for Fat Boy DP," Harley said scooping up Harry and heaing to the back door, "just get over here and use that belt of yours to get us out of here before the boys in blue get here."

"Yes Mame Captain Ham." Deadpool saluted the blonde bombshell he was working with and moonwalked over to her before grabbing her ass and pressing a button on his belt making the trio teliport out of the house just as an old man with a long white beard, half moon glasses and a crocked nose appeared wand at the ready looking for The-Boy-Who-Lived.

And Done with Ch.2 hoped you enjoyed it.


End file.
